And now - from the Bottomless Pit of Ignorance File

I once had an occassion to attend an old soldier's day - a day when they remem the dead and then repair to the local Returned Services Association and have a few beers and a catch up. All good fun.

During the service a chaplain made reference to God and how, during the British evacuation from the beaches in Dunkirk, God had provided cloud cover in order to prevent the German Lufftwaffe from attacking the troops below. I remember the comment for two reasons. Firstly it implied that God adopted a "hands on" approach to his duties and was more than capable of rolling up his sleeves and getting down and dirty like the rest of us mortals. Secondly, it clearly laid God's allegiance on "our" side - he wasn't going to truck any nonsense from the Hun. That's why we won the war and they came, well, second.

The recent catastrophe in Asia as the result of a Tsunami has again fuelled debate on the role of God in our lives and it has raised another feature of the Big Fella. He clearly can't multi-task. Stories have emerged suggesting that some people survived the wave as a result of "God's intervention." Well fine, but it seems that the process of saving some has overloaded His capacity to attend to others. Or could it be that He selected a few to save because they were deserving, and discarded the others because they were sinners? This doesn't sound like God does it? I have every sympathy for those grieving trying to make sense of their loss but is this a helpful way to do it?

Immediately after the September 11th attack we heard from some lunatic Muslims how God's hands had guided the planes that smashed into the Twin Towers. At the same time George W. Bush was enlisting God's help to strike down evil wherever it was to be found. All very confusing.

But if you ever doubted that stupidity had any limits, listen to one Mr Maulana Yusuf of the Islamic Defenders' Front who asserts that the tidal wave was the result of God's wrath at seeing a group of off duty Indonesian policemen drinking alcohol in a beach near Banda Aceh. Well why didn't the Big Fella simply send in a mini tidal wave and wipe out only the "offenders." Either His aim is pretty poor or else this guy is seriously in need of anger management.

Finally, not content with wiping out thousands of people He seems to have signed His handiwork. According to the head of the Centre for Islamic Studies in Colombo, one can see the clear outline of the word "Allah" in Arabic written on the wave as it smashed into the beach - a touch of class here don't you think?

I have lookled at the wave in question - at http://globalsecurity.org/eye/andaman-sri-lanka.html - and he is right! Also, if you stare at the lower left hand corner of the wave for a few moments the clear and unmistakable outline of Elvis is evident. Now that is spooky.